Massive Unit

OK it's official. I am a massive unit.

I am having one of those horrible days...well weekends actually...where I feel like a bloody beached whale.

2 days of very little aside from bloody egg whites and a few grams of oats for brekkie, with a total of I think 3 tuna salads in that 48 hour window...and not one gram dropped. WTF. Seriously. WTF.

Haven't really been "going" all week...well since Tuesday morning to be exact, and am due for TTOM at moment (well I would be if I wasn't on Depo Provera which stops them) so don't know if it's being clogged plus carrying excess fluid but all things aside, while getting ready to go out for dinner with Fern and Claude last night I tried to put on 2 of my pairs of jeans...and couldn't get them over my massive tree trunk legs.

I have stacked on some serious size, I have never not been able to put my jeans on (OK so they have been tight before but not like this). I also tried my bridesmaid dress on today for my bestie's wedding, which is 8 weeks away. I couldn't zip the bloody thing all the way up. So I HAVE TO pull my finger out and find what the hell is going to make my body respond. I have upped the cardio to twice daily on most days already and have decided that as of right now the cheats are gone out the window.

I don't know whether to be happy or upset with the way I am looking (today I'm upset with it). I have spent the last 2 years trying to put on more size to be more competitive up in the Open divisions as I needed more fullness in my muscle bellies but it's hard to be objective on yourself as to whether you have put on more fat than muscle. It's also so hard to go from being so lean to putting on size. Given my past history of anorexia I know how distorted my body image can be, and therefore judging myself is not an easy thing to do.

Anyway enough whinging. Sorry to harp on about it I am just having a moment (also could be due to TTOM??)

Dinner last night was great, I always love catching up with the girls. We went to a really nice Greek restaurant in Brighton-Le-Sands, the food was so fresh and delish! Then went to a place called Bay Vista for dessert, which is notorious for the sweet stuff on the menu. The place makes fabulous ice cream concoctions (like sundaes but they have literally about 20 varieties to choose from), which are served in dishes that are pretty comparable in size to a goldfish bowl. That is not an exaggeration either. I had one, it was divine but it was huge. The one I got came with about 4000 Maltesers in it - I couldn't even finish them. It was awesome but I felt sooo sick for hours afterwards. I won't be going there again in a hurry, merely because it's too good and I have now sworn off the cheats from now til comp. Might have to make it a date for a post comp meal there though :)

Today I went to High Tea with Meegan (bestie), the other bridesmaids, and her mum, aunty and my mum. I've not been to High Tea before but it was really cool, something different. Unfortuately I couldn't participate in anything except the tea drinking, shame cos the scones, mini sandwiches and little cakes looked gorgeous and so fresh. Oh well - another post-comp thing to put on the list!

Am working tomorrow which sucks cos it's a public holiday but I get Tuesday off instead. Am going in early before the gym opens to get training done and dusted before work. Have prepped all my meals already so the plan is to get up a bit early, go for a walk pre-brekkie, eat then go train.

Anyway hope you are all having a fabbo weekend. Sorry bout the long and whiney post...hopefully will be in a better headspace by next one.

xx